Can men and women be friends?

Duh. I mean, of course they can. We see it everywhere- TV shows, movies, books. The question of whether or not men and women can be just friends has been debated aplenty, and everyone seems to have their own answer. From the classic  “When Harry Met Sally” to the distressed men and women in the coffee shops complaining about their significant others’ platonic cross-gendered friends,  the question seems to have gone unanswered. In our new book entited “The Dudeship”. We outline an alternative to what the conventional wisdom has offered thus far in the decades long, usually somewhat heated debate.

Our thesis is simple. Men and women can be “friends”. However, we feel that this is a special kind of friendship that looks and acts EXTREMELY differently than a friendship between two men, or a friendship between two women. The reasons for this are in our book, which can be found at But heres a little mini lesson straight from the book itself-

A Dudeship is simply any relationship between a man and a woman that isn’t someone you’ve just met, work with, or see because of other external factors such as work, school, book club, etc.  There are many types of Dudeships:

  • Lustship – friendship in which the man or woman just wants to get into the other person’s pants.
  • Hopeship – friendship in which the man or woman is secretly hoping for something more.
  • Waitship – friendship in which the man or woman is single and is determined to “wait out” the other person’s boyfriend/girlfriend and then pounce when they breakup.
  • Eventualship – friendship that seems purely platonic right now but which, if continued, stands a good chance of a strong physical/emotion connection developing that leads to feelings sometime in the future.
  • Denialship-A friendship between two people who vehemently deny that anything could ever happen between them.
  • Formerships– A friendship between two people who used to date.
  • Egoship– A friendship between a man and a woman where one party is aware that the other person has a crush on him/her and keeps them around merely as an ego boost.

Have you ever seen or witnessed this sort of thing in your life, or seen one of your friends go through it? If so, feel free to leave a comment.

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1 Response to Can men and women be friends?

  1. I think that men and women can be friends providing there is something so appealing about one or the other or both so as to make sexual attraction/interaction impossible. In my experience I have enjoyed long-term friendships with women that I had no attraction to. The friendship could and in some cases did develop to an level of personal intimacy (read: depth of conversation). There was a sense of trust and personal details were shared on an ongoing basis. Without having a sense of attraction the friendship flourished without the unneeded (to a friendship) tension that attraction could bring about. So what I am saying is that I coudl have a great friendship with a woman that I am not attracted to and it could be far more difficult if I were. That is not to say that both parties cannot stay on their side of the “line” but in my personal experiences those lines get crossed with time and with greater intimate conversation between freinds. Once “friends” start to trust one another with intimate details…it changes the atmosphere of the friendship and makes it more condusive for other intimate activities.

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